Month: October 2016

Why I Am A Horrible Father – Reason # 89 – (AKA: It’s the car, right?  Chicks love the car)

It’s Halloween, one of my favorite times of year.  I love everything about it.  Scary movies, scaring children, and most importantly, trick or treating.  I love to see the kids walking around in their costumes, and on more than one occasion, have dressed up and gone with them.

For my son’s first time trick-or-treating, we went shopping to look for a costume for a 10 month old. We found dragons, lions, and various other cutesy type costumes.  Then a couple weeks before halloween, we stumbled upon a Batman onesie, and bought it immediately.

I am a huge Batman fan, and I have been since I was a young boy. I even dressed as Batman on more than a couple halloweens. It was a special thrill for me that Logan was going to be Batman this year. 

The day before Halloween I had an idea. We knew we were going to be pushing him around in his stroller, so I figured why not make the stroller part of his costume!  Genius!  I am going to make the Batmobile.  How cool is that?

So, with nothing but an idea and a childish obsession,  I ran out to the store.  I ran through the aisles, grabbing supplies I thought I’d need.  I picked up some black spray paint, black duct tape, and four metal pie tins.  I spent the night spray painting a refrigerator box black so that it would be dry and odorless by morning. I had a rough idea of how this was going to work.  My wife thought I was crazy. 

“Why do you want to build the stroller into the batmobile?  Seems like a lot of effort for a 10 month old’s Halloween costume”, she asked

“Because it’s cool, and he loves it” (Translation: I’ve always wanted the Batmobile and one way or another, I’m finally gonna get it!). 

“I mean, look at how excited he is!”, I said pointing to him. 

He squints at Jenny, and fills his diaper. 

The actual construction of this thing took much longer than I had expected. It was like trying to assemble IKEA furniture, but with no instructions, and you had to cut the pieces yourself. But I was determined. With three kids dressed in their costumes waiting impatiently for dad to finish duct taping a cardboard box and pie tins to a stroller, I finally finished. I duct taped the Bat symbol to the side of it and away we went.

“Well, it does look cool, Brian”, Jenny said. “And now you finally have your Batmobile”

 

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Why I Am A Horrible Father – Reason # 1023 (AKA – This isn’t a democracy, it’s a Ricktatorship)

and you thought I was a horrible father, Carl

Ahhh…..The Walking Dead.  The greatest show on television returns on Oct 23rd, and we cannot wait.  Brianna and I have bonded over this violent, grisly, bloody show more than anything else.  “Surely there are more appropriate things than a zombie apocalypse to bond with your teenage daughter”, you might say.  Don’t forget, there is a reason this blog is called “Why I Am A Horrible Father” and not “The Chronicles of Fatherhood Perfection”. 

Brianna and I have talked about The Walking Dead for hours.  Who will Negan kill?  Will Glenn and Maggie have a boy or girl?  Will Morgan take out Negan’s group with some Homemade Walking Stick Bad-Assery?  What would we do in a zombie apocalypse?

Brianna’s big plan is to make it to the Mississippi River with her family and friends and somehow acquire a barge. We would all live on the barge and be safe because “Walkers can’t swim, Dad”.  Of course, if someone gets unruly, turned into a walker, or otherwise does something she didn’t agree with, she would throw them off the barge with a simple hand gesture. I have been kicked off that hypothetical barge several dozen times over the years.  Of course, I do stuff like this, so she isn’t completely unjustified. 

Over the years Brianna and I may not always have seen eye to eye on a number of things.  Some weeks, we only spoke to each other to talk about The Walking Dead.  But we always had that little common ground every week to keep us communicating.  Rick makes a bad decision?  We were talking again. Why didn’t Lori’s car crash kill the baby?  Ooh, I hope it turns to a walker and tears itself out.  Carl’s out roaming again?  Keep calm and eat pudding. 

But the point is: find something to bond with your kids. It doesn’t matter what it is, just that the lines of communication remain open.  Even if those lines are used to communicate that you both wish a certain asshat character meet a gory demise, only to be kicked right in the feels that his death ultimately redeemed him (looking directly at you, Merle).