Why I Am A Horrible Father – Reason #23 (AKA:Wash my mouth out with soap )

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, your children will hear you swear at one point or another.  It’s unavoidable. Especially when you are a Horrible Father. My children had two rules when growing up: 

  1. Don’t touch Nana’s hair
  2. Don’t repeat anything dad says

Looking back, my potty-mouth really couldn’t be helped. It started when I was very young, no more than 3 1/2 years old.  I blame it on an undiagnosed and never-before seen speech impediment that I was the only person in history to have.  I would, under very specific circumstances, pronounce the “sm” sound as an “f”.  And my Grandpa exploited that speech impediment, because it only occurred when I tried to speak one simple, specific little phrase: “Smucker’s Jelly”. 

“Hey Pal, I don’t remember…what was the name of that grape jelly you like again?”, and I would answer him…oblivious to what I was saying. But he sure would laugh, which of course would make me laugh. 

So, it should have come as no surprise the day my 4 year old son exclaimed in public “She is being a crabass!”

Flabbergasted I turned around and asked him “What did you just say?”.  That was a big mistake. Because he told me. Again and again.

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