About 17 years ago, before Brianna was born, there was a Teletubby toy that would say some pretty obscene things. Naturally, I bought one. We never let her play with that Teletubby because of what it said, so it was left in the basement for years
Flash forward a few years later. Brianna was around 5 or 6, and Jordan was just a toddler. One night, Jenny and I hear a faint voice coming from somewhere. She checked on the girls, and I tried to find where the voice was coming from. I finally found it coming from the heat vent in our room. After Jenny confirmed the girls were ok, I went to see who was talking in our house. I get the dog to come with me.
We get downstairs in the kitchen, and I can tell that the voice is repeating itself. Over and over again, but I can’t tell what it’s saying. I get to the basement door and open it up. I could hear it say “Big Hug”. I figured it was just some toy and that I’d better go turn it off or it will drive us nuts all night.
“Merlin, come” I said as I started walking down the stairs. He would not follow. I called him again. He wouldn’t budge. I get halfway down the steps and I felt like I was being watched. “Big Hug…Big Hug”. “Merlin, come!”, I say sternly looking at him. By the look he was shooting me I could tell he was thinking “You’re lucky I don’t have a middle finger, pal, or I’d be using it right now.”
It dawns on me that the voice was coming from the Teletubby that I bought years ago. “Big Hug”
I reach the bottom step, and I see the Teletubby nearby. One of the kids must have found it and moved it or something. “Big Hug”. I look back at the dog. He’s gone. So much for man’s best friend.
“Stupid toy”, I think to myself, trying to shake the feeling I was walking into a trap. “You’d think the batteries would be dead by now”. I start to walk towards it.
That’s when it said “Buh-bye”.
I ran like hell back up the stairs with the speed of Usain Bolt. Even the dog looked impressed.
The next morning I sent Brianna down to the basement to retrieve that Teletubby. Out of spite, I sent the dog with her.
Why I am a Horrible Father 