Why I Am A Horrible Father – Reason # 10 (AKA: Hi!  I’m Chucky. Wanna play? )

About 17 years ago, before Brianna was born, there was a Teletubby toy that would say some pretty obscene things. Naturally, I bought one.  We never let her play with that Teletubby because of what it said, so it was left in the basement for years

Flash forward a few years later.  Brianna was around 5 or 6, and Jordan was just a toddler.  One night, Jenny and I hear a faint voice coming from somewhere. She checked on the girls, and I tried to find where the voice was coming from.  I finally found it coming from the heat vent in our room. After Jenny confirmed the girls were ok, I went to see who was talking in our house.  I get the dog to come with me. 

We get downstairs in the kitchen, and I can tell that the voice is repeating itself.  Over and over again, but I can’t tell what it’s saying. I get to the basement door and open it up. I could hear it say “Big Hug”.  I figured it was just some toy and that I’d better go turn it off or it will drive us nuts all night.

“Merlin, come” I said as I started walking down the stairs.  He would not follow.  I called him again.  He wouldn’t budge.  I get halfway down the steps and I felt like I was being watched. “Big Hug…Big Hug”.   “Merlin, come!”, I say sternly looking at him.  By the look he was shooting me I could tell he was thinking “You’re lucky I don’t have a middle finger, pal, or I’d be using it right now.”

It dawns on me that the voice was coming from the Teletubby that I bought years ago.  “Big Hug”

I reach the bottom step, and I see the Teletubby nearby.  One of the kids must have found it and moved it or something. “Big Hug”.  I look back at the dog.  He’s gone. So much for man’s best friend. 

“Stupid toy”, I think to myself, trying to shake the feeling I was walking into a trap.  “You’d think the batteries would be dead by now”.  I start to walk towards it. 

That’s when it said “Buh-bye”.  

I ran like hell back up the stairs with the speed of Usain Bolt. Even the dog looked impressed. 

The next morning I sent Brianna down to the basement to retrieve that Teletubby. Out of spite, I sent the dog with her.


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